S is a young boy whom she met at the ghat in Varanasi. It was almost 2 years back, a solo journey in the autumn. Afternoon was generally a resting time for Varanasi people, the sunlight was still quite warm but the wind was blowing tenderly on the face when she sit on the stairs of ghat did nothing but gazed at the Ganga river. The side stalls looked lazy and be awaiting for the crowd gathered at the ghat for Puja in the evening.
She didn’t aware when S noticed her until S approached to her just simply asked: Can I sit down and talk with you? She simply answered: Why?
” For street interview, I work for a company which needs some information. That is why I need to survey”.
This was not a very convinced reason, however she answered few questions which she didn’t remember what exactly the questions were when she recalled the memory.
S is not a very good looking boy but warm and lovely. After the conversation they spent several hours together on the boat, chatted on the roof of guest house, and had a good dinner. Since that day, To her, S is a good friend, a lover, a partner, and a young brother. But there will be nothing more than that. She is quite independent and modern while S comes from a very traditional Hindu family. Both agreed there is nothing more than being very closed friends and partners.
It has been a long distance relationship till 3 months back she came to live in Mumbai.
She has been understood the reality that they don’t have expectation from each other, thus the relationship could be longer. But on the contrary, the reality is she relied on him more and more. She likes to just rely on his shoulder, just holds his hands and feel the warmth, just call him whenever she needs somebody to help. Those are very simple but always makes her satisfied.
One day, S told her that grandmother passed away and traditionally the whole families pushed him to get married. S feared. He doesn’t want his wings for dreams be cut down because of marriage. Of course she doesn’t want to see him get married, at least not so soon. “Be confident, fight for your dreams”, she encouraged him.
However, just on the second day, a beautiful weekend morning, the sunlight was shinning and the plants out side of the windows were so lovely. She thought maybe they would meet on the weekend. S texted one line to her:
“I will go back to Mumbai with my wife”.
The heart broken message, the dripping tears…..till that moment she understood there is no relationship without expectation…..what she thought is totally wrong. How could she rely on someone but no expectation? How could she spend so much time with someone happily but no expectation? How could she let someone leave her forever but no emotion happens inside?
“Being silent is the best way to deal with the emotion”. She has no words to S. Since they agreed with each other there is nothing more than “good friends”.
There will be a quite different future for S, yet or her there is just another solo journey awaiting.