The love of middle age

When we were young, and we were in love. We didn’t care much about the rest around us. We just loved happily, innocently. We shared such simple, tiny things; we talked about our daily matters which became nothing years later we looked back to the past, maturely.

And we grew up, started to love in terms of the marriage. Or maybe the consideration of careers, finance, positions, families, etc. We looked for the one who would match our plan of life, we hoped to have that one who was the right person for us to step into the next stage of life.

Till then, life might divided into different lines: we might not be able to find the right one during our whole life; we might get married and live happily. Or we might have another different result which we separated from the one once we thought he/she was the only one till the end, but that was not like what we hoped.

So, it came to my life, the third line.

Is it unfortunately, or on the contrary I could start the all new life?

I have been having a very free spiritual life style after my age of 31: work hard, live hard, play hard. The craziness of short term relationship was equal to the happiness of long term relationship, I made both. Just let my soul fly to wherever it could reach, the farest. My love flew toward the people I loved, and measured how much I could give.

“One day, I would feel tired with it”.

I knew that day has come, at my middle age, as soon as I met T who looks like a slovenly artist: T-shirt, short, slippers, big beard, curly long hair, an old back bag and a shabby yellow bike. It was the first time we met each other. It was so called: the first dating, but what impressed me was the way T looked upon our first dating as a normal, simple one by showing me the real he.

It has been a long life journey. We have our life experiences no matter it is hurting or not, I believe we have both. They are long enough for us to return to the simple with our scars. On this stage, we merely focus on what really mean to us: family, health, true friendship and life.

My reflections on T, at the middle age, make me keep my mind to deeply think about “The Individual”. We can no longer behave like the teenagers. We hardly to share those simple, tiny or funny matters in our daily life because we didn’t see it anymore. For T, life is full with responsibilities in reality which continuously remind him not to rely on but to be independent. That is the individual, both of us shall be. Though how I wish that we rely on each other and share those simple, tiny and funny matters if we could ever find it.

In the relationship, what if we take everything out of us, let it be unique to each other? Strip off the career, the position, the wealth, the background of family, the religions, etc. Could it be possible that we love each other without rest of conditions but only with extremely simple hearts and souls? In this concept our ego moves down beneath our feet. We could rather wish to give than to take, rather want to care about the happiness of another than himself. We could rather respect than request, could rather tolerate than argue.

Back to the point, every individual has the choice which shall be very clear in the mind. At the same time, the choice itself shall be as bright as the mirror reflects on us. That is the love of middle age, mature.

coffee culture


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Some Words for Love

The one must not be perfect. The mind only listens to the soul which is operating it, no one could get involved and be able to influence it. The one’s personality which has been shaped by the family, the culture and the passed experiences could hardly be changed by another.

Even though, we must have seen the beauty in the one, that is the reason we love. For that, we would cast the fabulous bright, instead of the sentimental dark.

Love is incomparable when the two love each other with their true souls, to respect, to accommodate; to show the empathy, the patience, and the most important is to trust, to forgive, be persevering with our faith.

Love is beautiful but at the same time it hurts.
If I feel the pain of Love, it is reminding me that I might not do perfectly on what I mentioned above. Otherwise, Love shall transcend our emotion and be on the top of spirit.


Started the raining Sunday with Indie Pop , R&B/Soul

Hectic weekdays ended up with an awesome Friday home party. No doubt that Saturday was for cleaning up the house, then I woke up without an alarm in the cloudy Sunday morning. Interesting that I found a website yesterday: bandcamp introduces plenty of songs which are various forms of music. For me it looks like treasure in the box.

One of the most beautiful things to do on the raining Sunday is being ready to spend all of the time on MUSIC.

I love the form of music young scum presents in this album:

ethnic expressions impressed on me with the free spirit in the music:

The voice: Dwight James & The Royals


An Expat In Mumbai-Anniversary II

It is going to end up two years of my settlement in Mumbai. Recently I have been asking a question to myself: Onward, what are you going to do and looking for?

Recalled the memory of two years back, the moment when I decided to shift to Mumbai, left my families, my sons, my everything…I was happy and sad, full with hope and worry. Remembered my tears in Bangkok airport, heart was torn because of a mother’s love to her sons.

I am truly grateful for my sons’ understanding and support, their independence makes me feel released from my concern and be little comfortable through knowing they are doing well. And there is no less gratitude to my families for their endless love. Because of the truly blessed love I am here following the voice of my heart, pursuing the one, the dream, the peace, the destination.

Look back the past year in India, definitely the friendship has been fundamentally supporting me with both life and work. I got respond at any single moment whenever I need consultation or clarification. More than that it gave me the warmth at the moment when I felt down.

Secondly, traveling is always in the prior priority of my mind. It has been fulfilling my life with so much stunning beauty, so much rich outcome which was from the mistakes.

And of course the LOVE, yes it is the thing which can either break me or build me, which I have been practicing to do in a way most of people didn’t understand.

In the past year, a heart broken separation with V who made me happy whenever I saw him or heard from him. Once I loved and it seemed there would be no regret and end.

And here is T, the one who is now like a sky full of stars I am gazing at with whole of my heart. The one I feel like I have been knowing him for long. For now, we never know where the destination will be, but we know and promise ourselves that we are always capable and willing to make it.

Here is a lyric of a song:

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.

It is exactly reflecting my life and my desire.

With my gratefulness to every good and bad, I have an answer in my mind for what am I going to do and looking for.

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An expat in Mumbai_Anniversary I

International Jazz Day in Mumbai

Every year on end of April it is the international jazz day. Frankly to say I love jazz but I don’t know the festival until this year after I noticed an advertisement on facebook.

FLEA Bazar Cafe located in lower parel of Mumbai, one of the places hosted the jazz music concerts in this day. It was quite late when the concert started at 9:30 pm. Very crowd, vivid automophere: alcohol, food, smoke…., live bands played different style of jazz music, people were dancing, shouting for talking…. Since the second day is the holiday and dry day as well (government doesn’t allow alcohol in some specific days such like labor’s day.), it looked like people wanted to catch the happiness, craziness wildly at such pretty night before the dry day, and even I almost forgot it was only Monday.

Mumbai is one of the most modern cities in India. The indoor such like bars, theaters, shopping malls, restaurants, museums; outdoor such like sports club, live bands, adventure activities, traveling …all of them are reminding us the change of India and also uncovering the normal life of middle class Indian to us.

At the jazz night there are many musicians gathered in the cafe, they were not the roles of jazz show but went to meet old friends over there. Apart from those talent and experienced musicians, also few different style people such like transgenders, gays, moguls….all equally stood listening to the music, intoxicated.

My friend T, as a decades of experience in sound engineering, he is so proud of those talent musicians because the quality of performance is so good. And I am very relaxed, happy, satisfied with the beautiful night with T.

I love Mumbai.

Bands played the Jazz music:

The Many Roots Ensemble


Adil Manuel Collective






Sofar Sounds Bombay

Yesterday I joined a live concert in Worli, Mumbai. The host is Sofar Sounds Bombay.

I came to know Sofar Sounds several months back. It was gratefully that finally I was in since it was the fourth or fifth time of applying to join the live concert. Previously I was always informed that “we are sorry that you are not joining this time”. Initially I was so upset and the mood was questioning “what the hell?”. But slowly I realized it is actually a very good strategy of making such live concert more noticeable difference.

The procedure of the live concert is that the announcement is 2 or 3 weeks prior of the date of show, and the fans shall apply to join via website/email then wait for the message of whether we will be joining or not. One more interesting thing is that the venue has been kept as a secret until the day before the show.
There were three bands performed the show in TAO art gallery yesterday. The music was more like Jazz but also mixed with some classical, hip hop, funk, african and folk….., the quality of audiences was also very good.
Now I am absolutely agree with the way Sofar managed the shows and admire all the effort they have been doing to support those individual musicians who are definitely the talents.
If you also pursue the pure music which is without commercial craft, welcome to visit Sofar Sounds Bombay for detail.

The white city-Udaipur

It has been long time I didn’t travel with companions. Two months back we planned to spend few days of Chinese New Year somewhere in India. Udaipur seems to be a good choice since it is not far from Mumbai(1.5 hours for flight). Luckily we reserved cheap flight tickets of Air India and also found a guest house with very fair price. In February, it is a pleasant season in Udaipur where the temperature is maximum at 30 degrees in day time and 18 degrees during night time.

We expected the flight might delay for some time but it delayed for 3 hours which was out of our expectation. More disappointing is that it also delayed for 3  hours in returning.  But still there is one benefit of choosing Air India that we got boarding in the international airport instead of domestic one which is very local, crowded and very few shops and restaurants.

In 2 days we visited city palace, amrai ghat, kani mata(cable car on the hill), monsoon palace, and Shri Rishabh Dev Digambar Jain Atishaya Kshetra temple, rest of time we were just roaming nearby the guest house among many different shopping stores.

Good food always brings us much joy of travel. Over there we found very nice places such like Millet Mewar, Sun and Moon rooftop restaurant, and good coffee at a cozy place cafesatori. Meanwhile, there are few fail items which didn’t meet our expectation such like: White Terrace Restaurant, and a very horrible breakfast at Hotel Amet Haveli.

The thing made me extremly happy is being with my campanions: two young boys Derrick and Steve. Derrick has lot of ideas of acting and photography, Steve has extraordinary sense in taking shots. The combination came out a role for me to be an actor in front of the camera. Thus we had lot of fun in it.

3 people, 2 cameras and lot of laughter in the journey. I love you boys. 🙂